My top tip refers to the common refrain that \u2018you must suffer for beauty\u2019. That is crap. It\u2019s toxic, it\u2019s cruel, and it is a line aimed almost entirely at women, designed to get them to spend a lot of money on expensive and often painful treatments and fashions. In my experience if you want to look good, or even *fabulous*, you must at a bare minimum, feel okay.<\/p>\n
Feeling okay is, of course, subjective, and not always possible, but to be clear, I\u2019m not talking about \u2018feeling happy all the time\u2019, I\u2019m talking about, whenever possible, allowing yourself the basic human dignity of avoiding things that bring unnecessary pain into your life<\/em>. Because this blog is about beauty, that also applies to the pain you may choose to inflict upon yourself to fulfil a beauty standard.<\/p>\n I\u2019m 43. This is not my first rodeo, as they say. Please trust me when I say that if it feels horrible, it probably is. When you do horrible things to yourself you will most likely look unhappy. You may even impact your health in significant, negative ways, and if that is sustained over a long period, it can be detrimental to you, your health, your life, and yes, what people can see on the outside. I\u2019ve been around the modelling and beauty industries for some time over the course of my life so far, and I can tell you that being uncomfortable or even in pain may temporarily work for tortured supermodels in photo sessions, but in real life, even the most genetically lovely human looks awful when they feel awful. I\u2019ve seen it. I\u2019ve been there.<\/p>\n I recall the pain of hunger when I was a teenager and was told by modelling agencies in Europe that I was \u2018fat\u2019. I starved myself until I was \u2018Paris Thin*\u2019 trying to do what I was told and it was unsustainable and wrong for me. It felt awful and I\u2019m glad I stopped. For my own health, nutritional requirements, and physical and mental development, I needed to say no to those adults who wanted me to starve. I was still a kid at the time really, at 16 or 17, so that wasn\u2019t easy. Sure, I didn\u2019t get the approval of some random people I don\u2019t even remember the names of now, but I went on to have a fulfilling and interesting life and, ironically enough, a rather long term career as a model (among other, more satisfying careers<\/a>). I don\u2019t believe I\u2019d have any of that if I\u2019d continued to listen to them. (*This is something I wrote about at more length in The Fictional Woman<\/em><\/a>.)<\/p>\n Above: Underweight and unhappy as a ‘Paris Thin’ model in my teens, 25 years ago. Photographer unknown.<\/strong><\/p>\n Only you can judge what feels okay and what hurts you. For example, I dig tattoos and I\u2019ve even taken to wear custom fitted corsets some days of the week to manage chronic back pain<\/a> so I know you can\u2019t always pick what will or won\u2019t feel good for you by what feels good or doesn\u2019t feel good for other people. Don\u2019t judge, just pay attention to yourself, and when things hurt you, I mean really HURT you<\/em>, take note. Whoever you are, trust me when I say you are worth more than that. Jettison that stuff from your world.<\/p>\n 2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Think long term.<\/strong><\/p>\n My mother died far too young, and in a real way I consider each day a small miracle. But the reality is, statistically, I am likely to be around until my eighties, perhaps even longer<\/a>. There are no guarantees in life, but those averages are something to consider. When I was younger I remember feeling incredible pressure to figure everything out by 25. I actively tried to please others. I tried to change my appearance to please others (or frankly to get work). I tried to be \u2018in fashion\u2019. not always successfully, I might add. I wish I could tell the younger me \u2018this too will pass\u2019, that the approval of strangers doesn\u2019t matter, that those expensive shoes\/clothes\/treatments weren\u2019t actually going to change my life, that I wouldn\u2019t find the right partner for me until I was in my thirties, and that it is better to be alone than with people who are harmful. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that a lot of things that seem important now will not seem so important in a few years.<\/p>\n I\u2019d also want my younger self to consider the long term effects of what I did to a body that I\u2019d have for a long time yet. The aforementioned starvation, for example, created poor health which in turn would have destroyed the very thing those modelling agencies were supposedly hiring me for. In addition to being thin, sun exposure and tanning beds were pushed on us in the 1990s but create health problems and pre-mature ageing of the skin. Guess what? Indoor tanning is linked to more cancer than smoking.<\/a> Yet it was\/is marketed as a \u2018beauty treatment\u2019 and one year I used those beds regularly. *cringe* There are a lots of things we may be pressured to do for beauty that aren\u2019t good for us, and certainly aren\u2019t wise long term.<\/p>\n I\u2019m no saint, and I made plenty of mistakes, but I was lucky I stayed out of the sun in my youth (mostly) and despite some nasty ups and downs, I ended up maintaining a pretty healthy weight for my body type overall. My wise mom, Janni, also got me to quit using soap on my face when I was little, and got me on to face cream, all of which I think that has helped me today. Good skin care, basic fitness and health maintenance pay off in the long term. Your 40 plus, 60 plus and perhaps even 80 plus year old body will thank you for the good things you do for yourself today<\/p>\n 3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Remember there are no bad bodies, only bad clothes.<\/strong><\/p>\n If you don\u2019t feel beautiful because your body doesn\u2019t fit into any clothes, or because you don\u2019t look like the models in the ads, know that the clothing and the ads are the problem, NOT YOU.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t need to look like that model. You don\u2019t need to wear those jeans. You don\u2019t need to take that stuff on. No body is perfect, but every body is good, so whether you are skinny, fat, tall or short, your body is a good one. If you want to look better in clothes then find \u2013 or better yet make \u2013 clothes that fit you, rather than trying to fit yourself into those off the rack clothes. Cultivate your own style and beauty, because one size really does not fit all.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.taramoss.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/moss16.jpg\")
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